Stop Saying “Just Relax”: What Teens Really Need When They’re Struggling

When a teenager is overwhelmed—by school, relationships, social media, or just the intense experience of growing up—the most common phrase they hear from adults is some version of “Just relax.” Meant with good intentions, that phrase often lands like a brick wall. It’s dismissive, oversimplified, and it signals to a struggling teen that their feelings aren’t worth sitting with, just something to get over.

Teen stress is real. Anxiety, burnout, and emotional exhaustion are increasingly common in adolescents, and while they may not always communicate it clearly, they feel everything deeply. Parents, caregivers, and teachers all want to help, but support starts with knowing what not to say—and what to do instead.

Why “Just Relax” Doesn’t Work

Teens aren’t mini-adults. Their brains are still developing, especially in the areas responsible for emotional regulation, impulse control, and critical thinking. So, when they’re panicking about an exam or spiraling over a social conflict, it’s not just drama or overreaction. It’s often their nervous system genuinely stuck in overdrive.

Telling them to “just relax” does two unhelpful things:

• It minimizes what they’re feeling.

• It puts the pressure back on them to fix it immediately—without offering any real tools.

Most teens interpret that kind of phrase as “stop being dramatic” or “your stress isn’t important.” That shuts down communication fast.

What Teens Actually Need in High-Stress Moments

Supporting teens through stress doesn’t mean having all the answers. It means being present, staying regulated yourself, and offering tools that can help them feel more in control of their inner world.

Here’s how to show up in a way that builds trust and emotional safety:

Validate First, Guide Later

Before you try to fix the situation, start with validation. Let them know their feelings make sense—even if you don’t fully understand why.

Try saying:

• “That sounds really overwhelming.”

• “I can tell this is really bothering you.”

• “It’s okay to feel this way.”

Validation doesn’t mean you agree with everything. It just means you recognize that they are feeling it, and that matters. Once they feel seen, they’re more likely to open up—and more likely to accept support.

Help Them Name What’s Happening

Sometimes, teens are stressed without knowing why. They may just feel “off,” anxious, or frustrated. Help them slow down and name what’s really happening under the surface.

You could ask:

• “Can you tell me what part of this feels the hardest right now?”

• “Where do you feel this in your body?”

• “Does it feel more like anger, sadness, pressure… or something else?”

When teens can name their emotions, they’re already halfway to calming them.

Offer Calm, Not Control

In high-stress moments, teens need adults who can be a calming presence—not someone who’s trying to take over or tell them what to do immediately.

Keep your voice soft. Stay grounded yourself. Sometimes, the best support you can give is simply sitting with them in silence for a moment. Let your presence say, “You’re not alone.”

Then, instead of commanding them to “relax,” try offering real strategies:

• “Would it help to take a walk together?”

• “Do you want to try a breathing exercise with me?”

• “Would it feel good to vent or journal this out?”

Give them options that empower them, not pressure them.

Normalize Stress, But Don’t Downplay It

Yes, stress is a normal part of life—but for teens, especially those facing pressure from school, sports, body image, or identity struggles, it can feel massive. Let them know it’s okay to feel stress without making them feel like they’re weak for struggling.

You might say:

• “I get stressed too. We can figure this out together.”

• “You don’t have to handle this perfectly. Nobody does.”

The goal is to make mental health part of everyday life—not some scary or shameful thing that only gets addressed when it’s a crisis.

Final Thoughts: Be the Safe Place, Not the Solution

Teens don’t need perfect parents. They don’t need lectures or quick-fix answers. What they really need is to know someone’s in their corner. Someone who listens, validates, and walks with them through it instead of telling them to toughen up or chill out.

So, the next time your teen is struggling, skip “Just relax.” Instead, try:

“I’m here. You’re allowed to feel this. Let’s figure it out together.”

It won’t make the stress disappear, but it might just make it feel survivable—and that’s a powerful start.